i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
