Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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