Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You're earring is so big in my mouth
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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