someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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