About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
