Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you had me at cake vodka
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
