i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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