Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
