I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
