he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
