Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
