Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
