Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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