How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
