Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
