Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We have started to decorate penises.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
