Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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