No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
