Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
