I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
