DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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