she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
