FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
