from now on my penis is your penis
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
