Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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