take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
