Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
