Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
