Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize