What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My cat gives me a boner
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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