last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
