my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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