Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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