I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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