peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize