pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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