Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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