Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
