Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
