Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
