Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
