I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
