i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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