Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
