The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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