So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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