ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
