Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
