good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
