Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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