i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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