I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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