my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
