I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
