just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
