Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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