my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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