I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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