I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
