ugly people sure do ruin things
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
