we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
