Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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