You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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