you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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