we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Randomize
