so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
