sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
