if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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